One benefit of going to college is the relationships that one develops with peers and instructors. The roles one takes on campus and in their personal life are often indicative of the paths they will take in relationships and careers. Some of the people you meet in high school and college will be friends and acquaintances for the rest of your life. These relationships can be uplifting or debilitating.
Dr. John Gottman has developed a variety of measurements on marital relationships and does so from a few interesting angles, including Game Theory. If you know anything about Game Theory, you may be wondering how or why a psychologist would use this math concept to deal with relationships. I will let you figure that out. Now this isn’t a blog about marriage so don’t worry, I’m not going there. Dr. Gottman does offer some important characteristics to consider in people that you would want to develop lasting relationships with. His big 5 are: Honesty, transparency, accountability, ethical actions and proof of alliance.
Honesty is self-explanatory. For Gottman, transparency is sharing details with you and introducing you to things and people that are important to the person. If they are unwilling to offer this basic information, what else may be going on that you may not be comfortable with? Accountability is not requesting that you just trust the person but he or she is willing to give details of important stuff. Ethical action speaks for itself. Proof of alliance is demonstrating that the person is on your side even in small ways and not only acting in their own self-interest.
If a person consistently fails on these basic issues, they probably aren’t people you want to develop a close and lasting relationship with. They may be good acquaintances, but may not be a good fit as a trusted friend.
Action Time
Consider going through Gottman’s big 5 in some of the relationships you currently have.
First off, how do you personally rate? Oops! How can you improve? What steps can you take to become a more trustworthy acquaintance? How are you going to do that? Who will you hold yourself accountable to in following up? Having looked in the mirror first? How would you use this list to develop friendships in the future?
In the acquaintances you now have, how can you use these to strengthen good relationships and lessen poorer acquaintances? Now, don’t prejudge people but also don’t look through rose-colored glasses. Hey, let me know what you come up with and the steps you take.
Want to learn more? Come over to our website specifically designed for college preparation.
www.lifeprepcollegeplanning.com
To Jump Starting Your College Life!
Coach Rossitto
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The opinions voiced in this material are for general information and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.
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